I will admit it, I am not a “quick” one to forgive. (So much for saying how “holy” I am.)Before coming into the Church this was truly a struggle for me. I would ask, “Lord what if I die today, and I have not forgiven?” There was no use in lying about it to Jesus, as He knew in my heart there was “no” forgiveness. What a fear this placed in me, that I would go to “hell” because of it! Yet, no one could ever tell me how to “forgive!”
Through many hours in “Confession” and the “teachings” of the Church, I learned there is a process in “forgiving.” There are steps we can take to reach it.
The first thing I learned, “Forgiveness was not about forgetting.” We cannot help what we remember now can we? It is however about being “gracious.” We can still be nice to the person, even if we have not “forgiven” them. If nothing else treat them with “respect” for being a child of God.
The second thing I learned was, “Forgiveness begins with us praying for that person.” I was amazed when I begin to pray for those who hurt me, how much “quicker” forgiveness did come. Sometimes all I could get out was, “God please have mercy.” For God that was enough.
The third thing I learned was, “Forgiving is not about, not holding those accountable for their actions.” In saying this, I have to watch, “how I hold them accountable.” Calling them “a low down dirty dog,” does not get it.
The fourth thing was “giving myself and God enough time to work through this.” I keep confessing it, and through the grace of this Blessed Sacrament, I eventually am “faithful” to the grace God gives me to forgive.
The fifth thing I learned was, “I would know when I had forgiven, as peace would follow.”
I no longer “fear” I am going to hell, if “forgiveness” and “forgetting” do not come at the moment. I have learned that if I trust in God, He will lead me to that point, through the “teachings of the Church” and the “Sacraments.”
Without these “teachings” of our ever so “wise” Church and the Sacraments, I know first hand, “Forgiving was very hard, and led me only into fear for my soul!”
God Bless, SR
Lots of wisdom here. There is a distinction between forgiving and forgetting–very important. I think I actually learned of that particular distinction while listening to Dr. Laura Schlessinger on talk radio! You never know when a learning moment will come.
My own experience taught me that you cannot simultaneously pray sincerely for somebody, and hate/be angry with/not forgive them. Prayer is so very healing.
Hey Reinkat,
It took me a while to get all of this down “pat” so to speak. What these teachings truly did was relieve me of the “guilt” I was feeling for my “unforgiveness.” I now know I will eventually get there. These teachings also allowed me to know when I am “slow in forgiving” to begin to put them in place. Do not wait around and just be stuck here. Yes, prayer is very healing especially in these moments. Thanks for comment and God Bless, SR
We love because God first loved us. We forgive because God first has forgiven us. The more I focus on Christ’s forgiveness of me and his love within me, it releases me to forgive others. And the peace associated with forgiving others makes me realize that it’s more Christ than me. Thanks.
Welcome Dave and thanks for comment. How very true what you have said. The only thing about it was, my nature was not to do it “quickly.” To tell you the truth I did not know how to do it at all. I knew in my heart all you have said was/is true, but to implement it into my life was another matter, especially if I had been hurt to the core of my being. My heart did and still does at times have to go through a process, even though Christ lives in me, I also live in me:>) It is a struggle with the Spirit and the flesh. Again thanks for comment and welcome! God Bless, SR
In some cases forgiving can be extremely hard. Yes indeed there are steps to forgiveness. I have felt more peace as I go through the steps to forgive. I used to think that forgiving also meant forgetting what that person did. Then I learned forgiving isn’t forgetting. Your post is filled with great wisdom, is inspiring, and is a testament of your faithfulness. Fantastic post! Hope you are feeling well. God Bless.
Hey Teresa,
In some cases “forgiveness” is hard, at least for me. I do much better with it though if I do as you and take the steps to get there. At least I know and God knows I am doing my best to “work on it.” I have to trust Teresa, that means something to God. It has never come quickly for me, and at this stage in my life, I doubt it ever will:>) Through the teachings of the Church I have learned that is not always a ‘bad’ thing. When I do forgive now, and I do it the right way, I have truly forgiven, am happy, and am at peace. Thanks for comment. Pretty good day! Love you and God Bless, SR
Give us this day our daily bread and…
Hey Dancewear,
So true, so true!!! Thanks for comment and God Bless, SR